That day much to my disappointment…. I had to get up to open the door ….. For about couple of second I was just staring at him, as if I have seen some real ghost or something…. “abe oye ghurta hi rahega ki ander bhi aane dega”…those words from Raj confirming that I am indeed standing in front of a Ghost.

Raj… “naam to suna hi hoga”… is my school buddy..we were best of friends during school days and much until we got busy with our new life in our respective colleges… I still remember he was one of guy who was always ready to help anyone and everyone, someone who is genuine from heart and is very supportive character. Never in my dreams had I thought I will meet him in Mumbai (of all places) and that too in my home. We were in touch through facebook and Gtalk but for last few months or may be close to a year time he stopped coming online and we never really got time to update each other of our life’s latest and greatest things.

“Salle tu kaha se aa tapka? Aur tujhe mera address kis ne diya….kaha tha itne dino se.. koi khabar hi nahi?” I fired at him my set of questions, not allowing him to settle down also. With a smile he replied…. “sab bata ta hu,phele baith ne to de”. As he relaxed his Ass on my bed, I offered him some coffee and biscuits. “Wow man, coffee shoffee…sahi hai yaar… sab sikh gaya lagta hai”.

I don’t know why my friends and family still think I am the same nikamma lazy chap, who hates cooking and all other kitchen stuff. But then no matter how much I dislike doing it still, I am left with no option, Mumbai is expensive city man.

“Ha yaar waqt jab laat marti hai to sab sikha deti hai, tu coffee pi aur yeh bata tu yaha kaise??” I was still not able to come in term with the fact that he was in my house in Mumbai.

“I landed in India today early morning around 4.00am from London. Since my flight was landing in Mumbai I thought I will hang in here for a day so that I can meet you. It’s been 8 years since we last meet”.

“Sahi main yaar pata hi nahi chalta waqt kaise nikal jata hai, aur up lately you have stopped coming online also. Waise tujhe mera address kisne diya?”

“Facebook ke profile main you have mentioned your address sir ji, wahi se dund dund kar hum aa gaye”

“Wow, smart ho gaya hai tu yaar…. Facebook ke messages ka reply nahi deta but address wahi se dund nikale sale”

“Tu aam kha yaar gultiya kyu gin raha hai”.

I was thrilled and at the same time there was a calmness within me, don’t know why these days nothing thrills me much, honestly nothing. May be with age and experience the youthful exuberance dies or maybe I was just bored with my life… don’t know what was the matter, but I know I have changed, I have become much more subdued then I was before.

“so hoz life NRI Raj, Kintne din ki chuti main aaya hai?? Plan kya hai tera?” my round of questions still not over.

“NRI: yeah for sure, non reliable Indian..(his witty smile was his trademark during school days and it was good to see, it still is.) yaar plan to yeah hai ki main kal jar aha hu Kol, waha se Guwahati and then will be at home for around 10days and phir back to London, planning to take parents along with me this time around. London main ek ghar liya hai, so want mom and dad to see it”

“oot tari ki tune ghar bhi le li… itna paisa aaya kaha se… tu Don shon to nahi ban gaya na…(as usual I am off humor)

“abe ghar li hai wo bhi rent pe aur wo bhi twin sharing” tere tarha akele nahi rehta 1BHK main aur wo bhi Mumbai main” (he surely has done his homework….pathar ka jawab itt se…)

“Aare yaar majburi hai, akele kaun rehna chahta hai bol…par koi salla milta ya milti hi nahi live-in ke liye” (It takes me a little time to get my humor right, just like a tube light)

“aaah I can guess why you are staying all alone and denting your pocket with huge rents, Guwahati main ja kar aunty se baat karni paregi lagta hai. Waise suna hai Mumbai main kafi sare GAY’s hai… tu unki gintiyo main to nahi aata na…”.

“chup be sale. Angrez….Waisa kuch nahi hai yaar..abhi umar ho gayi hai na… so have lost the adjustment ka stamina… abhi when I can afford I feel I should stay alone.. I love my space ya..mujhe jada bheer pasand nahi hai…and more over yaha mere aache dost bhi nahi hai..wid whom I m comfortable sharing house….and waise bhi these days I prefer loneliness”.

“We all do love our space dude, but then akele zindagi nahi chalti… aur na hi koi chala pata hai….. I am all alone in London, I know how much it is important for a person to have friends and family around. Waha paisa to hai… par zindagi nahi hai..khushiya bhi salla pound main toil jati hai…… par zindagi ki aasli khushi thore na kaagaz ke noto main hai….. I have realized one thing, if you are not happy within no matter how much you earn or what you do, you will never be able to treasure any kind of happiness or relations” suddenly I could feel that he was getting a little emotional. I can understand deep down something was there that was hurting him or something that he himself didn’t know about was bothering him.

I had to continue the discussion, so that I can understand better what the matter was or it is just that for last 2 year he is out of country so missing everyone….or maybe I am reading too much between the lines, it could just be an intellectual pass on my statement.

Even before I could speak up he continued… “I know I might be sounding emotional, to be honest it is this emotional connect that has brought me back to you and my country, 2 years ago I ran away to London, not coz I got excellent job opportunity, but coz I wanted to ran away. Mujhe me situation se larne ki ya usse face karni ki himaat nahi thi…. You can say I was a coward. But tab mujhe ek hi rashta suja to ran away from situation…. Aur main bhagore ki tarha bhag gaya….”

“Raj kya bol raha hai yaar… kya hua.. chill dude aaisa kuch bhi nahi hai” I got concerned seeing his moist eyes, now I was sure that something is seriously wrong.

I was aware of the history slightly; I knew the person he loved the most, moved on in her life, leaving him in despair. He always maintained it was his fault and he always use to say.. chalti ka naam gadi hai… hume chalte jana hai.. hum musafir hai yaaron.. mazile badalte jana hai… though I didn’t know what exactly it means but I m sure there is some logic to it…. I wanted to know, I wanted to help my friend, more importantly I always admired his love for his better half. There are few love story which can teach you a lot, his is one of those. I am sure if ever aditya chorpa comes to know his love story and his vision towards love, we might see Hindi cinema’s biggest love story ever, well jokes apart my friend seriously need some help.

He continued with smile on his face and rubbing his moist eyes, an attempt to clear the cloud of tears surrounding his eyes. “Sorry yaar main bhi kaha emotional attyachar main pauch gaya” (surely he has watched DEV D recently)

“oye DEV D ke puttar, jada chu chu maat kaar… sorry worry apne pocket vich rakh.. aur thik thik gaal kar…. Kya hua… tu abhi bhi Simran ko bhula nahi paya” (ignore my attempt to speak Punjabi, I don’t know why being a bong, seating in Maratha land, talking to another bong, I decided to speak in half Punjabi…. May be that’s what India is all about….among all diversity… there is a strange similarity)

“kash meri story DDLJ types hoti… happies endings….salle ma baap ne naam to sahi rakha but upar baitha Aditya chopra (read as GOD) ne script pura jhol kar diya… puri kahani hi baddal dali..” We both shared a slight laughter and he continued

“Baat simran ko bhulane ki nahi hai yaar. baat usko pane ya khone ki bhi nahi hai…. Dost main ne zindagi main ek cheez jana hai… if we are unhappy there can be two things, one is to adjust with the unhappiness and accept it and try and find happiness around it, or else try and understand why we are unhappy, try and find happiness. Simran did exactly that…. college ke baad shayed humare sochne ka dhang badal gaya tha… earlier she thought main hi uski khusi hu uski duniya hu.. she had never experience love before I came to her life.. I was a refresh from the stereotype guys…. meri haar galti ko wo apne pyar ke dhache main dhak deti.. meri haar berukhi ko wo mera sach man kar apne pyar main laapet leti….. aur main yeh samjh baithta ki she understands me and will understand me…. Main ne maan liya ki wo waise hi rahegi zindagi bhaar…par wo thore na koi putla hai… shayed main ne uski dil ki baat kabhi samjhi hi nahi…. Jab use meri jarurat hoti main shayed tabhi kahi aur hota…… main usse thik se samjh nahi paya…coz she was so adjusting and understanding I never realized that may be I m forcing my decision and wishes on her… may be I m taking her for granted and maybe I m not understanding that she is adjusting and compromising a lot of thing. Uska pyar mere liye itna paak tha ki she never made me realized what all compromise and adjustment she did for me. She never ever complained about anything..anything what so ever…aur main bewakuf kabhi samjh hi nahi paya ki wo bhi insaan hai..and she also has her wish and her desire..its not just being there its more deep down..somehting I won’t be able to explain in words..… yeah nahi tha ki main usse pyar nahi karta tha.. but kahi na kahi uski inner wish ko main pura nahi kar pa raha tha.. wo jitna aacha mujhe samjhti main usse samjh nahi paya… uske liye mere ankho ka ek isara kafi hota… par wo mujhe ishaare pe isshare deti jati aur main nahi samjhta…. She was right I was immature to handle the situation…. She was right she needed a husband not a kid as her better half……so I seriously don’t have any complaints against her.. jab wo bahar aayi zindagi ke dusre roop se ruba ru hui tab shayed uski khusia alag ho gayi.. aaisa nahi tha ki she didn’t gave me chance to improve and understand..but as she would say… this was not meant to be… today if I know what love is its coz of her…. Today if I know what’s being loved is its coz of her….. log bagwan se pyar karte hai… bagwan to pyar ka ultimate masiha khete hai.. people say GOD never talked about hatred or violence, God only believes in Love…. If that is the case then I m not wrong when I say she is my GOD… coz today agar main pyar ka thora sa bhi janta hu, wo issliye kyuki usne mujhe pyar ki ahmiyat aur pyar ki sachai se rubaru karvaya….. agar main aaj pyar ko thora bhi samjh sakta hu aur uski izzat karta hu that’s coz she made me realize how important love is in one’s life…She is my GOD.. coz for me she is the definition of LOVE….. I still remember when she was with me jab bhi koi mujhe LOVE ko define karne bolta I use to say for me love is Simran….and today also even though physically she is not with me I still say for me definition of love hasn’t change its still Simran…. And like hum apne GOD ko bhula nahi sakte… main use nahi bhula sakta….. aur shayed ek baar main Simran the person ko bhula bhi du… par kaise bhulau use Pyar ko jis se rubaru usne mujhe karvaya tha….. kaise bhulau LOVE ko….so its not about Simran my ex girl friend, it’s a totally different feeling and uss ehsas ko samjhna ya samjhana ashan nahi hai mere dost.. ashan nahi hai….. over the last two year I have learned few things… main ne koshish bhi ki kuch logo ko explain karne ki… but no one understand so I decided to keep the feeling within me only… coz I know what it is all about.. I know and only I understand….its not too practical you see… its philosophical…. Which has no meaning or resemblance to real life… and practical life…”

A long pause after a really long speech… or rather should I say philosophical dialogue…..

I had some idea about what he was speaking, we often in practical life tell ourselves or people around us to forget the past and move on….. We say you need to be matured enough to understand a fail relationship and look ahead…. Life never stops.. aur bhi bahut aayengi…. And its true also after all chalti ka naam gari hai…..but I knew, I had an idea what Raj was speaking and what he meant…. I knew exactly what was going through his heart and the feeling within.

“Main yeah to nahi keh sakta ki main samjhta hu…. Kisi aur ka dard aur uska pyar..koi aur, kabhi us intensity se nahi samjh sakta… but main janta hu tu kya kehna chahta hai… main yeh janta hu ki u r not complaining neither cribbing for the fact that why simran has left you….. I know if you ever expose this part of your life to anyone, people look at it as a sign of weakness…… wo yeah samjhte hai ki tu emotionally kamjor hai… waqt se larne ki himmat nahi hai tujh main…… par wo yeah nahi samjh pate ki baat larne ki nahi hai… haar jeet ki nahi hai…. Khone pane ki nahi hai… baat hai ek ehsas ki…. Use feeling ki jisse rubaru hona har ek ke bhagya main nahi hota…… tu sahi hai… practical baat nahi yeh… aur shayed philosophical baat bhi nahi hai.. it’s a feeling which is personal… you have experienced it… may be few other across the globe has.. or may be loads of people have… but then no one talks about it.. coz we have been taught not to speak or think about past….and focus on future”

The conversation was getting more philosophical than anything else… somewhere we both touch a topic which we both are sensitive too.. suddenly in each other we found listener to our inner voice… so far whenever we needed to talk about this topic we only spoke to ourselves, as we knew no one would understand us… whenever we tried expressing it to the world, people first time use to listen and invariable would say…. Forget past and move on… aur abhi bahut log aayenge… and many more practical gayan…. And next time round they won’t even listen to it….. but today probably we found in each other a listener who would understand and hence we continued.. Continued to share our part of the story.

Conversation Continues.....