“I knew in you I would find a good listener, I knew like other you won’t ask me why I am still hooked to Simran. You know SK I m not hooked to her or waiting for her to come back....I know the Simran who use to love me madly is lost somewhere…. I know she will never be mine… probably she was never mine…. I know now I have no importance in her life… I am just a bad past of her.. may be she might not even want to see my face again in her entire life…. Its not that she hates me or dislike me… she just figured out that we are not meant to be together.. which is perfectly fine and I have accepted it too… I have accepted life as it is…. But somewhere somewhere my inner voice and inner soul was not in peace…. I ran away from here coz I didn’t wanted to face her…. I thought may be new place, new people, new stuff will occupy my mind and I would be able to forget her and everything and start life fresh… I tried everything, parties, clubbing, work, gals, everything possible…. But somewhere somewhere my inner voice was trying to tell me something… I have everything today, yet my mind and soul is not at peace… there was something something that needed to be addressed.. that needed to be understood…. I tried telling myself that it’s of no use to think about simran and all those past stuff… life is about moving on and making new relation…. Turst me SK… I have moved on a long way…may be in the mist of all these feeling I have understood what I wanted and desired… I could hear the voice of my inner soul clearly… I know it never tells me too go and get back Simran. It never says that I was wrong or she was wrong or about the relation…. It never talks about the guy probably whom I hated the most around that time… It never says that the guy was at fault or tells me to hate that guy or anything in that line…… you know what it tells me…… it tells me to love…. It tells me that love the person… not the relation… it tells me love never says that you have to be in a relation to love someone…… it tells me that I should try and make sure that in future may be 20 years down the line, when I came face to face with Simran or that guy I should not be remembered as a painful past…… it tells me that I should do something that will make simran believe that I have moved on that I m no more the emotional sentimental Raj… someone who was a kid not a husband… I should try and reach out to her somehow and try and create a new memory…. I shouldn’t be remembered as a painful past…. i should try and create new memory, so that tomorrow if Simran speaks about me.. she can say Raj, I know we are friends and is a good guy.. I should be remembered by her in a positive way…. My inner soul tells me that the person who made me what I m today…. The person who made me realize what love is and what being loved is..should not remember me as a pain point in her life……. I should try and do something that would eradict any painful memories and rewrite a new script in her mind….. maybe I can be both her and the other guys good friend… may be I would be just a person she knows… aaj wo uncomfortable feel karti hai mere naam se….. kahi na kahi ek dard attach hai mere naam ke sath.. ek past jise wo bhula chuki hai…par wo uska picha nahi chor raha hai… ek failed relationship.. main nahi chahta ki wo mujhe iss tarha yaad kare… ya main uske zindagi ka aaisa dard bhara hisa ban kar reh saku…….usse ne mere liye itna kuch kiya hai…. Main iss ehsas ke sath chain se nahi jee pata ki jisne mujhe pyar karna sikhaya… jo mera bhagwan hai.. … main uski zindagi ka dardnak yaad hu…… main uss dard ko mitana chahta hu…. Main chahta hu ki kal aagar hum rubaru ho to wo uncomfortableness na rahe…. Wo bhi khul kar aur main bhi khul kar ek dusre se baat kar sake.. jaisa hum college main karte the……jo bhi ho.. hum dost the… bahut aache dost.. shayed main uss dosti ko wapas pana chahta hu……. U know shayed hum phir kabhi na mile… par if I m able to do this… if I m able to del any sore memory from her mind and feel it with new good memories… then I can answer my inner soul….. then my soul will be at peace and maybe I can live my life peacefully and die peacefully.. varna yeah burden mere upar reh jaiga….. honestly main nahi janta main kaise karunga… but this is something I have to do….. otherwise I won’t be at peace….. aj main darta hu usse… use face karne se… shayed uska chera mujhe dekh kar utar jai…. The tone she spoke to me for the last few mails and last time was not the way she is….. I know she doesn’t hate me… but I also know that she doesn’t want to see my face ever again and speak to me ever again… that’s ok with me.. but I wanted to kill the uncomfortableness we both share… I want to make sure.. that when we or if we ever meet…. We can meet with the same ease and comfort as we use to meet in college…. Coz I know she hasn’t change as a person and I too haven’t change much..she still has the heart of gold… she still is the same friendly and every helping and ever loving and never complaining Simran she was in college… this is why I thought I must revist my country and try and see if I can find out a way by which I can do what I want to do….”

“you want some water?”

“yeah water would be fine and coke also.. need some energy drink to carry on… “ it was good to see a smile on his face…..

We were indeed in middle of some deep soul searching talk. I was able to understand what he was trying to say… may be I have grown with age and have seen too many love stories to understand the difference……. I know Raj fully understands the meaning of moving on… he has moved on with life.. otherwise he would not have been where he is today…. If he wouldn’t have understood he would have been another modern Devdas… something like Dev D… well I know he is not waiting for simran and is open to new relation…I know he is not saying ki “hum jite ek baar hai, mart eek baar hai, shadi bhi ek baar hoti hai….. aur pyar bhi ek baar”. I know he is not cribbing and crying for the fact that he lost the most important things of his life…… I know he is not in a terrible state of affair…its just he wanted to make sure that the person he loves the most....the person who help him to be what he is… the person who is his god… should not even for once think about him in negative frame of mind or with negative energy….. he knows that she might now even think about him.. she might not even be bothered whether he is alive or dead… whether he is happy and sad… whether he is just surviving or living… she has moved a long way ahead…. But he wants to kill the uncomfortableness that exists today.... he wants to rewrite the memory so that tomorrow if they come face to face to each other they can at least greet each other and speak like normal people do… and like normal friends do… he want to make sure his God should not have any uncomfortable feeling or may be in straight word…. He wants to eliminate all the pain and sore memory they once shared and go back to the time when they were best of friends…. In short he wants to seat in a time machine and go back to the time when they were very good friend…. He want to rewrite past into future…….. sahi kaha hai kisi ne…”life’s greatest learning is hidden in past”. agar hum apne past main jhak kar dekhe to we can learn a lot of things and from that learning can prevent it from happening in future……past is a great teacher… we should never ignore it….

“Raj…. Shayed tu sirf apne angel se soch raha hai….. may be she doesn’t want to be friends with you again ever… coz tu use humesha past ki yaad dilayega… and the guy who knew everything about you and have meet you may not want her to revist her past…. kya pata it might spoil her life….. as u will remind her of all those sour moments”.

“Exactly this is what I want to kill…… and I know I can do it…… she still think I am too emotional and main emotion ke flow main bheta ja ta hu…. That’s not true… when I say I have no complains against the guy… I not only say it I mean it…. usse wahi kiya jo koi pyar main karta hai……. Uska pyar sacha tha aur paak tha…. He is able to keep her happy and satisfy her needs…… yes I agree I putted all blame on him for our breakup… par shayed wo meri kamjori thi … I couldn’t accept the flaws in me….. see I don’t think he is responsible coz I know it is never like that…… he did what a person in love would have done…. If you love someone you love her… there is no if and but… no true or false… simple…..DJ ne pyar kiya tha Simran se… aur usse uska pyar mila…….. I use to blame him .. may be coz we human have a tendency to put the blame on some other person and escape from the situation….rather than accepting our fault and working towards improving ourselves…main ne bhi wahi kiya… main ne usko blame kiya coz I wanted to hide my own incompetency and inability to love Simran and keep her happy…. So I have no problem with DJ… and this is exactly what I want them to know…… I want to kill this thought in their mind ki I m sour moment in their life…or something like that… may be I don’t need to do that..and let each one of us live happily….. I should not be selfish and think only about my peace… I should let them live happily as they are living…… honestly I am not going to do it also……”

Now I was getting confused… if he is not going to do it.. then why speak about it..

“tu soch raha hai na.. ki agar main karne nahi wala to main befizul ka baak kyu raha hu iske baare main…. coz I have no option…… din ba din mere ander ka soul mujhe bolta hai kuch kar kuch kar… badal daal sabkuch….. I am not able to live in peace… I have to live with this pain that the person I love the most.. … I am the only sour and painful memory of her life…. I cant’ bear that…. but I have no option then to accept it and live with it…….. coz I can’t change it…. the moment I try and do it.. I will disturb her…. Her life and may be her peace… I tired doing it by mailing her couple of time…but she didn’t replied…… and I don’t want to disturb her or her peace…. I have to do it strategically… wait for the right time….. wait for the time when may be God will again smile and will grant my inner most desire……. May be one day God will only script it for me to meet her and change the whole thought process and may be rewrite a new story…………I don’t want to rush.. I have paid the price of rushing to things previously and I don’t want to make the mistake again…I want to ensure that I take only the right foot forward at least when it concern Simran……I am waiting for that day with hope in my eyes and believe in my heart… dekhte hai kab aata hai wo din…….

“ To tu basically janta hai tujhe kya chahiye…but tu yeh nahi janta kit u usse hasil kaise karega…. Well dude don’t worry.. when there is a will there is a way…..”

Well his situation was complicated…may be he himself was not able to clearly state what he wanted from life and from Simran……….. maybe he knows what he wants but is not able to express his desire…… what I got from the conversation so far is that for him more than the relation the person matters… he loves the person… irrespective the relation….. invariably you would find human having a tendency to love a relation..not the person…. if two lovers part off due to some miss understanding or something they don’t ever see each other face, or hate each other with same madness as they use to love each other……. If two friends have a fight or argument they part off with a promise that they will never be friends again… ditto for two brothers who declare war on slightest of fight…. Many more such relations..where in we just care about the relation not the love for the person…. we say people change…. But I believe what changes is not people.. but situation and relation…. If we can understand the whole thing better, maybe we will see less hatred among each other and more love……. What happen in a relation is that we start expecting in a particular manner….. depending on the relation we share… and if that expectation is not meet we get hurt and think that ohhh the person has changed or he/she don’t love the way they use to do………. But in mist of everything we forget the person we love… we forget that the person we love is same……. we forget we are judging the person as per our expectation and not on the basis of what he is….. we forget the fact that we love the person because of what he/she is… and not coz of the relation we share with that person…… relation to baas naam hai…. Hum apne feeling to tarha tarha ke naam de deta hai……. Par ashliyat main pyar ka koi naam nahi hota.. wo ehsas hai.. kisi relation ka mautaz nahi… agar pyar hai to pyar kar…… yeah maat soch ki rishta kya hai….. rishtey ka naam kya hai….

One thing I understood and which Raj was not able to state clearly was the fact the Love is such an energy which cannot be tied in the name of relationship or any such parameters. You cannot force things to happen…. Everything happens at its own course of time…. Khete hai na waqt se phele aur kismet se jada kise kya mila hai… when something has to happen it will happen… at times its important to understand this and wait patiently for the right time to arrive…… if you set free your expectation and if you are ready to wait…. And patiently if you work towards your wish…. More often than not….your wish will be granted…. Not coz it’s destined to be granted but coz u have worked towards it……. Raj knew if he rushes into things now in a hope that things will be all right there is a strong chance that he would end up on the wrong side…. But rather if he hold back and wait for the right time to come… he will be giving himself one remote chance to fulfill his wish…… he was right… he need to wait a while and see how he can make it happen…..

I have seen many people being in touch and infact being good friends after an intimate relationship…… which makes me believe that certain relationship are just not meant to be that way…. But the good part is that they don’t let one failed relation impact the other one…. .. I believe every individual has his own way of handling a situation and handling a break off….. in RAJ case Simran might have figured out that Raj is an emotional person and if she doesn’t behave a little strict and rough with him.. he might not be able to come out of it…. and come in terms of life… .. I know she wouldn’t in the remotest dreams have thought of hurting Raj… I know it for sure…… at times few things are just not meant to be…..may be what she didn’t realize is that they ended the relation in a sour note with a feeling of discomfort… something which is bothering Raj……. And something he wants to correct, so that he can be free of the burden of the albatross…. He wants the albatross to be taken off his neck……….. and only and only Simran can help him……. But the problem is Simran has walked a long way away… She now has a new and different life…. and its right also… we all need to move on with life.. Raj to has, but the only problem is Raj is not like any other guy who will let thing go as it is….. as long as the albatross is not taken off him… he will not be in peace… the only question is how… coz the only person who can make this happen is Simran and she has moved way too forward to come and help……..

“Raj teri meri kahani main ek baat ki similarity hai…… tune dosti kho di mohabbat ke waste aur main ne mohabbat kho di dosti ke washte……..” with a smile I told Raj

“Tu Anvisha ki baat kar raha hai na” Raj was the only person who had some idea about my feeling towards anvisha…….as I have shared some details with him once…. Anvisha… uske baare main kya batau… wo dekhne main to ladki hai.. infact bahut khubsurat ladki hai.. but nature main subhan allah….. I wonder ki bhagwan ne kahi galti se isse itni sundar ladki to nahi bana di… challu d great hai….. she knows how to get her work done… very friendly and has a big heart….. she is an resident expert in telling lie.. and she would say that with so much of innocence that you will never come to know that she just bluffed you….. a true bluffmaster…….anvesha… Big eyes… extremely catchy smile.. very attractive and beautiful… I won’t be surprise if you see her and fall in love…. When I saw her first time I too was like “Wow..what a beautiful girl”…..Anvisha… a girl whom you meet only once in a life time…