I saw her today standing on the other side of the road............waiting...waiting for someone...It was raining heavily.......I could see the glimpses of her face......shining in the dark gloomy rainy day, her hand trying to hold the umbrella tight....trying to grip it properly...... fighting against the strong blowing wind.........so strong, holding umbrella was just an formality as she was already under the cover of the rain droplet...............I stressed my eye a little...tried looking in the finer details on her face.........a face which was my identity.....face which was synonymous to smile in my life.........She was waiting.........waiting for the rain to hold back, waiting for the world to stop over.....waiting for something to turn up...........she was waiting....

I took a step closer.......she run a little further.......I took another step closer....she found a shade for herself......i stopped......she relaxed under the shade............by now...her umbrella had betrayed her....she was under the cover of rain.......completely wrapped around with water.....her hair all wet and messed.................feeling a little uncomfortable as she was all alone in the shade with few unknown creature........dark unknown creature.......For a second i thought to go and comfort her......tel her look i m here with you...on the second thought i hold back.....coz i was darker side of her..........

She looked here and there....clearly searching for a better place to wait......rain GOD seems kind to me, he kept pouring his blessing........her face had many water droplets...but near the eye onces seems a lil different..............when looked closely it revealed that those are the special one......ones that comes from heart to the eye.......at time out of fear, pain, happiness.......i knew this time the reason was different.......she was missing the comfort....she was missing someone......

I wanted to go and tel her.....here i am don't worry, i took a step forward....she turned her back.....i took another step forward....a car blocked my road.....for a sec i couldn't see...next moment say wasn't there........my eyes looked every where........the sight of her wasn't there......restlessly.......i ran to the other side.........impatiently looked around......every thing seemed dark and blank.......i wanted to shout her name...but couldn't......i run here and there.....she vanished somewhere.......suddenly i turned back......i saw a bike standing on the other side of the road........when i looked closely..........it stood exactly there, where i was standing....the same point.........i saw her this time....minus the umbrella.....free as a bird....minus all burden....the face seems brighter...the rain wasn't a hindrance any more........the water no longer could wrap her on........she was smiling with glory.....she laughed and smiled.....i looked at her and realised she was not the same person i had visualized...she was not the same person...who onces was mine....though she looked the same, but there was a change.............she seat on the bike.........hold the shoulder of the person.......I looked down the road..may be a lil jealous.....but found enough courage too look up and see her again may be for the last time................I slowly looked up...only to see her looking towards me....wid eye which had millions of things to tell............All i could here was " thanks for your care......but you came out of your place early.....while trying to protect me and the thought of losing me.....provoked you to leave your place in and move towards the other side........what you didn't realize was that in the se time..... I was only trying to come to the position were you were.........from the other side......."

She phased away in the rain.........I went back to the place where i was.........her umbrella was there..............i stood there..............and still m standing there................waiting for another day...may be i will get another chance................and this time..........this time i would know the reason Y..........

Do you know the reason Y?????????????????

Love....Don't Just Love the person....don't love his/her heart.....don't love the mind and character...if you have to love then love the soul of the person..........Character Changes...heart can be replaced....mind get corrupted.....situation changes....relationships are formed and broken.......what is immortal is the soul......... AMEN.... :)

Smile....the antidotes to most difficult phases in life........smile the most effective weapon against all pain and sorrow.....smile.....it can make any day look as beautiful as you can dream off....smile make u happy from inside...........but then smile is something meaningless without a reason.......we smile at each other..showing gratitude or respect...we smile at friends or colleague...synonymous to a warm hi.......we smile at meeting....we smile on something...but always their is a reason behind those smile........reasons that are well defined..........we smile in pains...we smile in vain...we smile to hide the tears....we smile coz we want to hide............i smile....i laugh....i try my best to make other believe i m happy....i m perfect........but smile without a reason is something i have failed to utilize....today i know how difficult it is to smile without your heart into it and without a reason....today my smiles are misleading.....are unquantified....are hollow...insignificant....are undefined.... today i smile coz of the outer world.... but i have lost the smile for myself......the reason to smile have lost....lost are the happiness within me.....Today i m wondering when will i get the reason......the reason to smile again.............when will i get the reason to be happy again.....till the reason comes along...i will keep smiling not for me...but for people around me.......smile without a reason...smile without the feeling .................. amen

These days take me back down the memory lane ......i still can feel the excitement of October....the rush in the adrenal...the enthu in the air....the freshness of a special day coming...i can still feel the importance of this month....October. More than the joy of Durga Puja being round the corner and holidays coming...it was one day that i always look forward to.....there are very few days in a year that excite me to this level... there are very few moments that can replace this day in my life...... Today i know the person is not there with me........the joy have been swap with a void of the person not being there......but still m excited bout this month....till am thrilled and waiting for the day to arrive.....still it means a lot too me......still m hapi that Oct has arrived again. its this time of the year when i wan to buy the best gift in this earth...the most unique one....the one that will last in the memory forever......this is that time of the year when i wan to gather all the hapi things around so that the entire atmosphere is full of love and peace.......this is that time of the year when all problems of life is put behind and focus is solely on that day...which itself is very special.....i wish this time.....also i can cherish those moments...moments that are now my lifeline..i wish this time also i can do everything i m use to doing for past so many years.............please GOD give me the chance to cherish these days....with the intensity similar to those moments.........please give me this one last chance...........Amen... :)

Today again……something made me feel the irony of being in love……or rather loving someone. Today again my heart stop beating for a while…when I saw her name not with mine……..today again tears roll down my eyes…when I realized she is not mine…………today again I am lost in the thought of despair....today again love has shown its dark side…..today again my belief has taken a deep step behind……..Why is love like this……you want to end it but it still prevails………why does heart beats with the name…that have left everything in vain………….why do we love…….why love still prevails. Why……I don’t know why..all I know no matter what…love will prevail……you build the relationship or not…..you stay connected or not…..love prevails………and will always prevails……Love is special…love is a treasure….if get to cherish it in a life time……..few understand it 1s its lost……but Love is love…and I love to love…..her….even with the pain and agony….i still say…love is worth a life time……. :)

Couple of days back, I came across this line "Discreetly in love". A special friend of mine used it a tag line in Gtalk.....the line kinda stuck on my head and somehow prompted me to think on a certain manner.....I tired to seek in some clarification....but then I had already interpreted something...so the need of really getting the clarification died down…as, in any case I didn’t wanted to break my belief. Anyways that was the beginning of a wonderful thought……rather a wonderful phase……in the last couple of month I have meet two people…… who are completely different from each other…….but they had few things in common……(or may be I am trying to draw something common between them)…..but they were in love………they were truly in love…and as I shared some thoughts with one of them….I realized something……when we are in love……..we all behave the same way…..Now last time I mentioned that when we are in pain…we think similarly………….and again I am stating that when we are in love…true love….we behave similarly……then is that an indication that we all are same????? I really don’t know the ans…….all I can say is being in pain or in love has similar feeling attached to it….its just that we behave a little differently as per our characteristic. I think I m deviating from the point….let me fix my focus again………………being in love is special….loving someone…….being loved by someone….unconditional love…….love that sees no reason…no boundary…..no obstacle…love that understand no practicality…..no pre configured notation………when in love there are few thing that matters to you………few things that bothers you……..all that matters to you is the person you are in love with…he/she becomes your life…………you soul…..your heart beat…………being in love is special.

I was chatting with a very sweet friend of mine….and she was anticipating the arrival of her soul mate after 1 years of separation……………….one must see the smile on her face……the excitement on her voice………….the way she gets lost in to her own world when one mentions her soul mates name………….she wants to shop..looks good……utilize the maximum time with him……she is so happy and excited…..all these somehow redirects me to the days when I started off my journey with my soul mate…………..days when life seemed so beautiful and wonderful…..i still remember the initial days…………….everything looked so very beautiful….so very peaceful. I knew that now I will have a person who loves me more than I love myself………and who’s love for me is not conditional……who’s love is genuine and pure………..I knew now I have someone with whom I can share all my pains and worries and who will support me and help me in all sphere of life.....there was rawness and freshness in whatever we did………..somehow over the years…..as we matured we have lost that rawness and freshness……I feel today there is more soberness involved in the love………….the craziest of things that we did is now a thing of past………..we are so confined with our daily life and professional mannerism that we somehow have lost that purity within us………its not that the love has reduced or we have become too mechanical…..i still love her with the same intensity but yes now I do think twice before doing crazy stuff………I think with every passing years you tend to behave a little too practically and accept the changes in life and prove that you have matured……………

Today I want to enjoy those lost moments again…….today when I see these kids enjoying the initial days of love……………today when I listen to them……It takes me back to my old days…………I also enjoy the moments with them….there joy…excitement …..happiness brings smile on my face also…………it revives me and helps me to think beyond my current mental status…….one of my friends was mentioning today only, that she keeps smiling whenever she thinks of the time ahead with her soul mate………………very similar to the feeling I had in my initial days……its almost like u find happiness in small small things……nothings seems impossible…….nothings bothers you….there is a different flavor to life…..the atmosphere smells differently….everything seems wonderful and minus any problem and tensions…….that’s the magic of being in love…and that’s the magic of being loved…………………and trust me blessed are those who get to enjoy these special moments of life and love....

Now does the feeling remains the same way all through………yes the feeling remains the same….just that with every passing days with things changing around us…we also tends to change and behave more smartly….and in process somewhere losses the innocence in us….......as life shows its own color and struggle, it tends to change our thought process and faith in life…….in those moment…..when we start feeling that everything is useless and start losing hope in life…………….its important to meet these new breeds of people……..I was blessed that I meet couple of people who have just started their relations……so with them I again enjoyed the initial phases of being in love……………and trust me this phases is special……I think every human soul should pass through this phase at least once……..I don’t know what’s lies in future for my friends but today I want to tell them that when ever they need a friend…I will be there…….may be I can help them when their relationship goes through a tough time……coz I have seen worst of condition and I know I will have to face even more pathetic condition….so probably my experience will help them and their relationship……………..but what ever it is….I want to see them blossom and their love blossom and hope that they never losses their purity and rawness….I hope every moment they are in love is an initial moment for them…………..I pray to GOD to fulfill all their wishes and fill their life with love and more love………

Love is beautiful…love is life………love is something we can’t define…. Its special to be in love….and its special to be loved….. Enjoy the moment….enjoy the love..

In this ever changing world….it difficult to find constant things in life. We are so confined with our self and life that we don’t look beyond…..beyond life…..beyond the love for a particular thing. As we grow we become mature…..mature I often wonder what is this words exact meaning….does it mean losing the purity in you….does it means being understanding and compromising…or does it mean accepting life as it comes and getting prepare for more worst thing in life…………..well not actually…. I think….there is more to it…..Recently one of my friend told me…. “Sau you are not matured enough………..” it still eco’s on my ears as in what does that mean……does that means that I m being myself…does that mean I don’t understand situation or not reacting in a manner she wants me to react too…or does that mean I am lost in my own world and don’t accept reality. Whatever it mean…….when that friend left me all alone…..I didn’t break down…nether did I complained….nor did I became a prone to drugs and stuff….., I just let things be as it is…..if that’s immaturity then I love it……

Often most difficult phase in life………test you, grain you, stress you but at the same time enlighten you and takes you to a new world. Most often in pain, we always blame GOD why me….why me for this pain……what have I done to deserve it????……..honestly…we don’t do anything do deserve pain. It just happens…..no one wants to be in pain intentionally…those who want to be also has some reason behind them….whatever it is the fact is no one loves to be in pain…….so now the million dollar question…..why me……………I also asked the same qus sometime back……and I got an ans…..I was chosen coz I forgot my priorities……I forgot my duties….i gave my self too much into something which was not required…….i lost touch with my inner self….didn’t bother to look beyond that particular thing in life….finally I paid the price for it……….today even though that void is still there…but I m no more in pain…..the reason being……i didn’t run away from my pain……….initially I use to wonder…how will I live and survive………..i use to cry and use to be lost in my own world……….but then one day somehow the power to fight it out prevail…the thought of not letting my pain and agony over power me, crept into my head and heart…..finally I decided that I will make friends with my pain and agony and try and enjoy the moments when I m in pain. So now when ever I m in pain and frustrated I try and enjoy the moment………is it possible to enjoy your pain??…..coz if you enjoy that moment then how can u be in pain??? Right that’s the magic…..try and transform you pain into happiness and you will find this world to be a great place………………..i always believe that when things don happens the way you want them to be…..then you must try and device a solution to make things happen the way you want them to be. I try and make things happen when they don’t go my way……..now m not scared of my pain…..when it comes….there is a fight among one half of my heart against the another….one say I should be sad and another says I should enjoy the moment……and then I try to stabilize my mind and try and think positive…………..most often then not I succeed. But there are times when I don’t and the pains win…the agony comes back….but it usually is short live coz again my focus to win over pain and the challenge to not let pain win comes……so if you can master this art and reduce those days of pain and agony and not let them win…..….life will be wonderful even in worst of condition..

That day only I was reading the blog of my friend…she was a little confused and seems to be in similar situation…………………I found a strong connection between her pain and endeavor towards peace, and mine. I could easily relate to her words and situation…..i still don’t know what actually is her problem or was there any problem at all…..but then there was this strange connection which prompted me to thought………do we all think in same line when we are in pain……….or is just a coincidence that I came across a similar minded person. But then I read another blog of another friend of mine and I could again relate to her words and situation…..now I m little confused…it is coz I want to draw similarities or its coz we all think in similar line when we are in pains…..or it is coz we are in same situation…..what ever it is……………..this strange connection have prompted me to think beyond certain things in life and now I know….i m not the only one…..so now I don’t ask why me why me…………now I go ahead and try my best to help people in similar situation find some peace or at at least hope through my words………so that while I try and explain them the facts of life…I myself learn few…….i want to bring the smile back on the faces of my friends who are going through similar situation and tension in life………………so that I too can smile through there smile…………..hope I can be successful in this endeavor of mine………….even If I can share their pain and with my effort can bring some respite in their life……..i would believe that I have been successful.