It’s been some time since I last blogged. Life has fully changed since the time I last posted. I shifted my base from Delhi to Bangalore. Change of job means new adjustment, new beginning, and lots of new things. While I was trying to settle down in a new different environment I hardly realized that it’s the month of May that I have arrived. Month of May have been a pathetic time for me twice in my life, once during 2001 and again in 2007, and the best part is both time the date also was within striking distance, 25^th for the first instance and 23^rd for the second one. I never have been able to figure out why May is so annoyed with Feb (that’s my birth month). I am not too much into astrology but then I know this much that Pisces and Taurus do make a good pair, if there is any fact in this equation then Feb and May should complement each other rather than being a thorn in the neck. At least that’s the case with me. Anyways as things were changing, and may be for the good, I was still stuck with one thing that should have changed long back. I will explain that later, but today what drags me back to blogging was one encounter with a strange friend of mine. We meet after a long time in Hyderabad. I was nostalgic about the place coz I have some really happy and soar memories of Hyderabad.

I came to Hyderabad for an official trip, I hate Hyderabad for numerous reason. But somehow I love the city also. Even though it played its part in separating me from my life, as a city it’s wonderful, especially because, this is the place where we meet after 9 months of gap. Well every time I Visit Hyderabad I make it a point to visit Madhapur, especially V.G guest house, Room Number 115. The dark Room which still echoes the words “I feel suffocated in this relationship, please don’t have any expectation. I want to be free, free from all the commitments and promises. Please give me some time, I need to come in terms with life, I need peace, I don’t need you……..”. very little I knew that that day my walk in Madhapur will lead me to a person, who’s thought would change my life forever, very little I had a clue that someone can have such high voltage impact on a person like me, who always do what he feels is the best. That day, I Meet a friend, who’s vision toward love and his conviction on love made me feel that my pain is nothing compared to his.

“We have meet before”, a Voice came from my left hand side. I turned to check who is the person. When I looked closely his face looked familiar but somehow I was so lost in my past memories that I wasn’t able to recollect who it was. My mind was scampering through to the database of names stored in my brain cells, but failed to find the name. Finally I had to ask, “Do I Know you”? His Smile, which again looked very similar and voice made me believe that we surely have meet before. “You surely do”, he replied. Then added saying, you look to be lost in your thoughts, thinking about your past, about the time when you last came here, trying to save your relationship, which was your life, or rather still your life. Thinking about how people have changed over the years, how everyone has moved on, you too, but somewhere your love hasn’t. Somewhere your feeling hasn’t. Thinking about the moments you have shared with your partner here. Thinking about all the non essential thinks of life. He stopped and I was stunned, how the hell on earth he knows what I was thinking, who the hell is he to comment on whether it’s essential or non essential, though in my mind I knew he is right. But still how can he say like this. He must have read the confused mixed with anger on my face, he quickly added, “Dude surprised to know that how come I know what going through your mind? Don’t be, it’s ok. I think we need to talk, we need to talk coz its high time you star realizing something before it’s too late. I looked at his eyes and there was conviction and sincerity. “He seriously wants to help me” I thought for a second, but my thought was interrupted by his voice, “come let’s take an auto to Eat street”. Somehow I followed him, still don’t know why. Its amazing when your mind and heart are not in sync with each other fools like me always ends up listening to heart and then pay a big price. But this time at least my heart took me to the right direction (or may be it always does, just that I never realized it. You know, its human nature to just to see the upper layer of the whole situation, ignoring the core part of it). We took an auto to eat Street. It was evening time and eat street is always very cool and not so quite with kids, family and also few couples hovering around there for food and boat rides. But still the smooth and unpolluted wind of the Husan Sagar, always help you relax.

We sat and ordered “Coke” (hope coke sponsor my Blog one day, I m giving them free mileage). I was looking eagerly at him to start the conversation only to found out that he was checking out some other couple who were seating adjacent to our table. I interrupted his peaceful sightseeing, “hello sir, are we here to check out few pretending to be committed but still unsure couples?” My voice clearly indicating my pissed off mood. He smiled and said “ Chillex Dude, Enjoy life, don’t always be in a hurry, coz at time moving too fast cost you your life. Same happened to you, you moved a little too fast and hence you find yourself in this precarious situation.” True was his statement, yes I indeed moved fast, but then who the hell he is to say something like this… and how can he say when he doesn’t have any clue to what happened to me, or does he know everything, who the hell is he? Questions were floating in my mind, but unfortunately they never came out. He looked at me and said “you know what this is the place where you once came with SC some time back and had a gala time, at that time you too were seating the same manner the couple are seating, face to face with eyes doing most of the talking. That moment is still there in your mind and heart, and many such moments will always be there with you. Coz its human tendency to remember the good times for ages. And as the matter of the fact your statement about this couple being pretending to be committed is nothing but your frustration on love and a failed relationship”. I was wondering from where on earth did he knew that I came with SC here sometime, he is SC’s friend? Is my love story such an inspiring one that everyone knows it. I was too confused with too many thoughts but still was not able to ask him who he was and how does he know all the details.

He looked at the husan Sagar and told see this, the waves right now are quite and a shooting wind is creating a environment of peace and calmness, people come here, eat, shop, couple hold hand, kiss, hug, have fun, you know why??? What a stupid question I thought, he continued “ Coz it’s a peaceful environment here, it very shooting. But think of it this way if by chance the river decides to get angry and gets agitated like us, what will happen? I looked at him and thought for a while, a thought crossed my mind that he might be referring to what happened in Mumbai coz of rain water, but hang on that was due to rain not coz of river water…..ohh GOD again too many thing crossing my mind again.

He continued “Dude water is an important part of our body, 70% water is there in our body and we need water, so water in a sense help us survive. But like human if he gets angry and agitated he will take the avatar of tsunami and destroy all mankind creation and mankind itself. It then becomes the dangerous, life threatening, killer cyclone, no more the peaceful water of eat street or the water that gives us life. I looked at him blankly, he understood, all his words were a high flyers for me, went straight over my head. “ See the whole crunch of the matter is anger only harms and gives pains, when water gets angry it takes the form of cyclone or tsunami, but on the other hand peace is something that always spread happiness and comfort. So not matter how difficult the situation is, no matter how challenging the task is, no matter how strong the pain is, one should always be patience and first understand the things rather than losing his temper and in turn hurting many”. Now I could make sense out of his high voltage logic, he was right in a way, but then we are human and we have right to get angry and I only use to lose out on SC, otherwise I was always a patience person. “ I know you only use to lose out on her coz in front of her you were yourself….no one else” somehow he started to reading my mind. He continued “ You know what the problem with you, you were over dependent on her, you never understood one thing that the situation in college and in Hyderabad were different. There in college she could pamper you, listen to you, stand by your side every time coz you were the only thing that she had there to concentrate on. But for the situation changed in Hyderabad, there she has her career, her family, her own life plus a also a good friend from her angle and villain from yours. My friend every human, no matter how great or bad he/she is will always think about herself or himself first. She also did the same, not that she was selfish, just that what she wanted from you she never got that”. He touched a very sensitive cord of mine, I may pretend to be very strong in front of everyone, may pretend that it doesn’t matter to me if SC is there or not, I a over her, but deep down I also know how much I miss her every day. She is the only person for whom I cried almost every day for the last one year. Sounds strange na, yes I did and all by my self, I use to cry almost every night in front of her photo. And I still do.

“I never complained that she was selfish and she left me, who ever asked or came to know about it, knows the fact that it was my mistake, I have accepted all the faults and I m paying a bigger price for it, I have lost my life, my peace, my everything. I know I made loads of mistake, but not for once was my love for her compromised. I am a human, may be a immature one, but then I seriously love her, I do” I said, and almost breaking down during the last few words. “ I know, and who batter then me will know, who has seen you cry every now and then. I know you never blamed her, I know you tried you best to maintain some sort of friendship with her, just to make sure there is no awkwardness among you two. But then again it didn’t work out, right?”

“Yeah”, I said and looked at him. “You see, no matter what happened between the two of you, no matter how much love dig’s gave her, you were her first love. She has spent 4 years with you, dreamt about you, might have lived a lifetime with you in her dreams and the reason why you love her so much is coz she loved you more than anything else in her life. So it’s not easy for her to too move away from you so easily. Hence think of it this way had you still been in her life, neither you, nor she nor dig’s would have been happy. At least at your expense they are happy. Why can’t you be happy with this fact that the person you love the most is happy.”

“you always said na love is not about me, or you, it about us. Let me quote you on this “ pyar main kabhi koi hisaab kitab nahi hota, kuch kaam jada nahi hota, main nahi hota tum nahi hota, agar hota hai to bas hum”. Love is not about calculating the fact that how many time you called I or called, how many time you came or I came, how many time you took the initiative or I did, it not about how much time you give me or I spend with you, it only about us, whatever we did together is what make us, is what make our love stronger. Unfortunately these are words which will always remains word in this so called Practical World.” Right was he, if today I tell this to people they will laugh at me and will tell me that such things are good in films only, in reality nothing like this works out. But for me they are my bible and somehow this individual whom I still haven’t figured out, knew the meaning of my words and feeling, amazing isn’t it? At times, rather most of the time people close to you don’t understand or believe your words, but here is one individual, whom I don’t know, is seating next to me and speaking about my life and most importantly is in sync with my feeling. As I was wondering about the whole consequence, he spoke again “You know why I got hold of you today, I could have done it any other day, but why I choose today as the day? I was clueless more so I was wondering am I that easily accessible that he can get hold of me any day!!! “Today as you were taking a work down the memory lane thinking about various things about past and present, about SC’s well being, about your loneliness and was getting a little jealous about Digs, I thought today is the right day as one year is a long enough time to overcome one hurdle or trauma, or emotional outbreak, whatever you name it” he continued. “You tired everything possible to get her back, to forget here, to move on, tried even wowing other woman, but your commitment remained intact on its place till date. Love is not just about one moment, it’s about a lifetime, and in those 4 years with SC you have lived a lifetime. You never went ahead with anyone, even though people came to you. You did indulge the thought of initial move with few woman, thinking if SC can move ahead forgetting you completely you too can. But you couldn’t, till date you couldn’t “. I was speechless, he was right. “You know why you couldn’t partially coz you always compared them with SC and none were as good. They had their specialty but with none you could share that comfort zone. No people are same and you knew it, but also knew that the person who can fill in the space of SC need to have the power to draw you out of SC’s thought and make you think about her. You didn’t found anyone else meeting the initial requirement of yours. You as a perfect Piscean had some nice romantic imagination and none of the gal could fit into those thoughts of yours. Another prime reason why you could get out SC was coz of one fact, you never were able to stop loving here. You did everything to make sure you get some attention from here. You wrote apologetic mails. You tired being a Hip-hop cool dude, pretended to possess a cool charming dude like attitude, tried wowing gals, tried bother SC with weird smses, and many such things that kids does, and you too know it very well. But every time you failed. Mainly coz you are not that kinda of person. You are not what you have become, you have changed coz you think you were never good enough or else SC won’t have left you. But the fact remains is that you needed to be a little more matured and patience” he was hitting all the right cord, don’t know why he looked to be a killer form, very similar to the form Shewag was in when he hit the fastest triple century by an Indian. The best part of the whole conversation was, that person was amazingly true in his word and analysis of myself.

To be Continued....................